week 3 story: Attack of Gnol, the Spiky Pufferfish Demon
Author's Note: I wrote my story based off The Ramayana: Viradha, translated by M. N. Dutt. In this story, Rama and Lakshmana battle a demon named Viradha, who abducted Sita. I chose to follow the plot of this story but I decided to alter the characters and smaller details, such as the location and weapons.
As I slowly crept along the eerie sand floor, the vibrations of the ocean water pulsed calmly, but I knew what was coming. My tail moved steadily, pushing me deeper and deeper into Millinum territory, where the deadly beast lay. I quietly crept up the jagged rocks of Rocky Road and before I got a chance to even see him, I heard a monstrous high-pitched screech. One might almost confuse it for a laugh if they didn’t know of the terrible beast that lay ahead.
As I tried to see over the rocks, my fin accidentally slipped, sending an avalanche of rocks tumbling down. Before I had a chance to react, I felt a tremendous force spiral me back. Once I got hold of my balance, I looked up and was overwhelmed with the sight of gigantically puffy cheeks. Instantly I knew… it was Gnol, the spiky puffer fish demon. My eyes widened in fear as I took in the sight of his spikes. They were so large and sharp, it was astonishing how the he could even stay afloat!
Gnol let out another horrendous shriek. “WHO GOES THERE?! WHY HAVE YOU DISTURBED ME HERE AT MILLINUM?”
My heart was beating out of my chest and I couldn’t get enough water through my lungs to breathe properly. However, I knew I was the ocean’s only chance of survival. With my tail raging in wrath, I replied, “You have polluted this ocean long enough with your horrendous STENCH. Death is upon you and now I shall give it to you.”
I channeled my inner samurai and lunged forward to attack, sending out spears of lightning. Gnol was instantly engulfed in flames brought by the lightning but the ocean water surrounding us instantly put out the flames. Unharmed, Gnol emerged from the fire shrieking with laughter.
“You really thought you could hurt ME!? Demon of the puffiest of fish, king of the sharpest of spikes? HA! My spikes are sharper than anything else in the ocean, nothing could ever harm me.”
Instantly, I knew what had to be done. I stepped forward again, hoping that I was right about Gnol –he was immune to sharp wepons since his spikes were the sharpest wepon possible. This time, instead of attacking with spears of lighting, I channeled my inner yerdua and used my forehead to blast out a light so bright, it blinded Gnol by burning his eyes to crisps.
Gnol screamed in agony, “MY EYES!! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!?” As Gnol twisted back and forth on the ocean floor, his body began to swell up even more than it already was. As his cheeks got puffier and puffier, I quickly swam away until POP! I turned around to see that Gnol, the once mighty spiky puffer fish demon, laid scattered on the sand in shredded pieces. Just as quickly as his death came, the waves of the ocean swept away his body and just like that, the ocean was never polluted again.
Gnol, the spiky pufferfish demon. Picture Source.
Audrey, I liked your take on the story of Viradha, and how you adapted it to an ocean battle. I never would have thought to do that! I thought it was funny that the main reason Gnol was a problem in the ocean was because he smelled really bad. The choice to blind Gnol is a good way to overcome his immunity to sharp weapons, just like throwing Viradha in a hole was in the Ramayana
ReplyDeleteAudrey,
ReplyDeleteThis was one of my favorite stories in the Ramayana, and I love what you did with it. I love that you made the monster a puffer fish, also, your dialogue and descriptions were pretty humorous! Like, "Demon of the puffiest fish" that was good. I also like how you changed some of the ending to make sense with your villain. Making him blind was a good choice!
What if this story was told in 3rd person perspective? I think it might clear up what type of animals the story is about! I assumed it was a fish, but maybe someone else would think otherwise. If it was told from a different perspective, I think you would be able to explain more about the characters and the situation.
I also wonder why Gnol is seen as evil. Is he trying to pollute the ocean, or is that just how he was born? It adds a bit of complexity to his character. Maybe it would be fun to explore his side of things!
Hey Aubrey!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your story! I like how you made it an ocean battle. TO me it reminded me of the ocean battle in Aquaman. I feel that even altering the smallest of details can help shape a story to become much better. Your story was definitely funny, and I found myself chuckling a few different times. I thought you did a great job and cannot wait to read more
Hi Audrey!
ReplyDeleteI really liked your story inspired by Viradha. I think changing Viradha into a spiky puffer fish was funny and a creative way to keep one of the most important details about Viradha, his inability to be hurt by sharp weapons. I also think the phrase "Demon of the puffiest of fish" was really funny. I also thought it was funny that Gnol was bad because his stench polluted the ocean.
Hey Audrey,
ReplyDeleteLoved this story and loved your retelling more than the original. There was a special comical side to your version that I really enjoyed. This first person retelling was genius! I love the perspective, as the reader I go to live it out and see it with my own mind and it was incredibly vivid, nice job!
Audrey, one thing that stood out from your story was the effective and vidid descriptions on the demon itself and the environment you were in when you've found it. Wonder how you ever got so good at it! Really, the story included most of the senses, including touch, vision, sounds, and smell, which can make the reader feel like he/she is in the story itself experiencing it!
ReplyDeleteI do wonder though, how did this Spiky Pufferfish demon became so evil. Was there something in his backstory? Was he once human but suffered great consequences due to his actions when he was a human and was sentenced to another life of anguish?
So hear me out. What if instead of starting off the tale as wonderfully descriptive as you made it, you start with prior knowledge as to who the monster was. Or maybe, in the middle of the story, just as the main character met the demon, the narrator provides the readers with background knowledge of the tales as to HOW the demon got to be in its current state. Overall, I think this is great framework for how you can revise it! The possibilities are endless.
Hi Audrey! I thought that your story of Gnol was very creative and well thought out. Your descriptions were very vivid and at times comical, making it very interesting to read. I also liked how the protagonist had to channel their inner yerdua to defeat the enemy, exploding him into pieces all along the ocean floor. Great story!
ReplyDelete